greg2missy Funny Status Messages

   Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that's what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)

   i wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There's ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....

   Want World Peace?? Replace oxygen with Helium. Who could stay mad at someone that sounds like a Chipmunk?!?

   Drag racing would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to wear a dress.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything"

   I wonder if the person who invented trail mix actually discovered it when they were cleaning out their car and moved their kids' car seats.

   2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....

   Apparently there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

   Black History Month reminded me that Peanut Butter was invented by a black guy...I Assume "Chunky" was in reference to his White Girlfriend...

   Today I told my car it's okay for it to tell me if it's a transformer. It didn't answer. I figure it's just waiting for the right moment.

   You know the person on the other end of the phone is comfortable with you when you can hear the toilet flushing.....

   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

   I'm always hearing stories of people posting "Inappropriate" pics on Facebook....Why are none of YOU showing me nude pics my friends????

   OK...I have 20 Bowls and 20 Lids...Not NONE of the dang things match!!

   To the person that first took a Peanut, covered it with Chocolate and a Candy Coat and Stamped a "M" on it....THANK YOU!!!

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   Maybe Adam should have spent more than just a rib......Just saying...

   Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....

   Her: The trash needs taken' out....Me (pushing trash down): NOPE, it's good!!