ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   First big snow fall of the season and the TV news is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a spot or two.

   It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.

   the blue book value on my car just tripled...I filled the gas tank!

   If you turn down the car radio, hang up the cell phone and remove you head from your ass you might just notice the emergence vehicle with it's emergency lights flashing and siren blaring trying to get a destination that's more important than yours.

   People who don't know what they want should not use the drive thru!

   Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game.

   Okay I have time to get an hour of sleep before I need to get ready for work. Bed get ready because this needs to be quick but meaningful.

   Can we name the next hurricane Shaniqua or something? I feel like if we give hurricanes ghetto names, people will be more inclined to get away from them. Hurricane Irene sounds friendly. Hurricane Shaniqua will rip out your weave if you look at it wrong.

   trying to think of a good way to show off to everyone the superman underwear I got for Christmas.

   Before you fall in Love with a girl with spakling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head

   You look like the type of person who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

   "Bacon is meat candy."

   ready to have male pattern baldness become "in style"

   It's that time of year again when I don't need the refrigerator to keep the beer cold.

   Nothing makes me feel better about myself more than the stupidity of others.

   The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.

   Sometimes I just want to tell someone "You should play catch with lawn darts."

   I'm smiling on the outside because I have a rainbow of pills on the inside.

   Getting some cans of gas to make this years homemade fireworks show more entertaining.

   It only took 6 drinks but I'm starting to feel the Christmas spirit.