eddie Funny Status Messages

   I am really looking forward to my favorite Thanksgiving tradition. Watching the "Black Friday" shoppers at Walmart trampling each other on the evening news.

   My wife was watching a cooking show and I said ''Why are you watching that! You don't know how to cook!''..............She said ''Well you watch porn!!!!!!!!''

   Day 10....I am thankful for Veterans......

   My favorite part of a Niki Minaj song is where I smash my IPod on the ground and stomp on it!

   I accidently grabbed the wrong shopping cart at Walmart and I'm hoping this kid stops crying because I am not going to raise a crybaby!

   Most kids are taught the normal 'Birds and the Bee's'! Not me I was traumatized! My father explained it to me by showing me a male and female outlet. To this day everytime I plug something in I get all worked up And dont let even show me an extension cord

   Just made my CVS receipt from purchasing a single pack of gum into an entire "Roll of Toilet Paper"

   My Wife was reading the newspaper this morning and yelled "Honey, the sales add says the dealership will make it easy to get a new car for your spouse this weekend!"..... Me: "Actually that sounds like a pretty good trade."

   I just found out my mother-in-law is going to be staying with us for the Thanksgiving Weekend. Well, it looks like I have to clean out the hall closet again.....she is going to need somewhere to hang upside down and sleep

   My home is in Heaven, I'm just traveling through this world....

   My wife said ''Why are you still staring at our marriage license!''..............''I am looking for an expiration date!!!!''

   Evaluate the people in your life; Then promote, demote or terminate! You're the CEO of your life....

   Sometimes life is like a profile picture....you have to ''crop'' people out that no longer deserve to be ''in the picture"

   My wife just yelled that I pay more attention to Facebook than I do to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me....

   True Story: Justin Bieber got his 1st tattoo at the age of sixteen. It was a Butterfly on his lower back just above the bikini line.

   It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were