ds Funny Status Messages

   When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my robe...now the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......

   Some of my best relationships now are with people who I dont have relationships with anymore.....

   My New Year's Resolution is to finish what I star........

   Gotta love sharing a bathroom with elderly family after Thanksgiving Dinner...I feel like Andy Dufrain crawling thru those 200 hundred yards of pipe for freedom....

   So...Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, and Ben Rothelisberger walk into a bar........

   Winter always reminds to think ahead for the springtime...meaning...gotta find somewhere to hide the bodies when the snow thaws.......

   What a night...can't remember a thing...why is there waffle house syrup in the bed..the lingerie hanging from the chandelier is hot! but, umm, where are the girls? were there....any...girls here last night????

   Hey can anyone tell me what rhymes with "homicidal tendencies" thanks...

   After all these years It finally hit me why Prison/Jail is called "The Pokey"

   In hindsight...maybe telling the whole family while we were pulling names for christmas grab bag that I was going to be getting into directing porn was not really the ideal time to do so....I did however draw Grandma Gertrude though!!!!

   Happy Valentines Day baby, just to prove my love to you I am going to take you to Red Lobster today for lunch and let you get appetizers and shiattt

   I measure the wealth of my day by asking myself did I add more friends today over friends who have deleted me on Facebook

   I bet Curious George's owner is getting his azz pinched off today for St Patty's Day

   Paul Ryan joins older siblings, Rex and Rob, in attempt to lead dozens of grown men determined to undermine him.