catdish Funny Status Messages

   Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise

   thinks that nutritional information should simply tell you the amount of exercise required to burn off whatever it is you're about to consume.

   thinks there's no substitute for research quite like making sh*t up.

   The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.

   was so depressed last night that I called Lifeline. I got through to a call centre in Afghanistan. I told them I was suicidal - they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

   went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but couldn't find any

   Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...and you'll never land a job working for a women's magazine.

   thinks that a perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children

   can't wait until Weight Watchers releases its own line of booze

   a totally down-to-earth chick because, you know...gravity.

   Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets

   used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.