bridget Funny Status Messages

   “Tired of online dating? You're not alone.” Yes you are. That's why you're dating online.

   Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

   A lawnmower is like a man. You either have to push it or ride it if you expect to get any work out of it.

   A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.

   Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.

   If I seduce it, really get it going, then leave it alone for ten minutes,maybe this paper will finish itself.

   You know when you are getting old when, you finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

   If it squirms it's Biology; if it stinks it's Chemistry; if it doesn't work it's Physics and if you can't understand it, it's Mathematics.

   Wish I could change my relationship status to "batteries dead" LOL

   - Boobs are a lot like toy trains...they are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too

   I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

   Every flaw in my character is quietly salvaged as evidence of my genius.

   When are they going to do a myth busters episode on God?

   thinks Facebook should add another option for Friends Requests... WHO ARE YOU?

   Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.

   We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. Bill

   going to defrag my brain. Process takes 8 to 9 hours. Will be unavailable till reboot is complete..

   Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.

   It's sad to see that two close people don't recognize each other anymore. Not because they grew up but because they grew apart.

   I wrote a joke about the short duration of cocaine, in fact the joke itself is a one-liner.