bill Funny Status Messages

   I'm at that age and wisdom where I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. Nope! I've seen that movie.

   Those 50 workers that stayed and are trying to stop full nuclear meltdown at the reactor in Japan are super heroes or the last of the Kamikaze's as far as I'm concerned...God Speed!!

   Breaking News!!!!! Spongebob Square Pants found Dead in oil patch........

   BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands to know what country Latifah is the queen of...

   Was just reading about the new 100 dollar bill design and wondered why I hadn't seen one yet. Then I realized it's because it's a 100 dollar bill.

   I love them all.....Fake (+)(+) , Perfect (o)(o), Perky (*)(*), Cold (^)(^) and even Grandma's \o/ \o/ Big ( • )( • ) or small (.) (.) save them all. REPOST for Breast Cancer Awareness.

   With all these birds falling out the sky, I won't be eating Chinese anytime soon....

   Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: "Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."

   Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing.

   This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......

   So....I just heard that one of the trapped Chilean miners has both his wife AND mistress at the rescue site. Awww dude, just stay down there.........

   Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Western NY. For your own safety head to Ralph Wilson Stadium, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......

   is wondering if there is such a thing called the "Whine" Flu ? If so I am pretty sure some of my FB friends have it......

   I'm at the wedding, you guys just can't see me because I've got one of those weird hats on.

   Party like a rockstar is no longer acceptable. You party like Charlie Sheen, or you don't party at all !

   Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blue? I wonder if she would have liked it if her mother named her Racoon Red? WTF is wrong with these celebs........

   Oops....Apparently throwing fireworks at people in McDonald's parking lot & yelling Happy Cinco De Mayo is frowned upon : (

   NEWS FLASH: 2 air traffic controllers fired for sleeping on the job, someone might want to wake them up to tell them the news.......

   I don't run from hurricanes, I drink them.........

   Mubarak is like one of those guys at the end of the party. However many hints you give him, he just won't leave.....