Zummerman Funny Status Messages

   What occupies the last 6 pages of the Chrysler Car User's Manual? The bus and train schedules....

   My phone just autocorrected Volvo to Vulva without me noticing it and now my boss thinks my Vulva is having the dents banged out of it by 3 guys at the body shop! Thank you auto-correct! This day's going to rock!

   richardmooney26 is George Zimmerman hiding... nowhere to go.. sh*t to do...

   Going out on a date with Octomom tonight… Just in case…wearing socks under 3 pairs of condoms…

   US Presidential elections 2012, polls close. "So, Barack, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife Michelle. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. "What was that for?" "You have a mistress, now do you!!?"

   Wanna have a happy relationship? Try switching your gf's lipstick into gluestick!

   Looking For a Truly Romantic & Meaningful Overnight Relationship, please pm my inbox for details...... Midgets, Casey Anthony and Octomom - Don't Bother applying!

   Good resolutions are like beautiful girls: they are easy to make but hard to keep