ZINC Funny Status Messages
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Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
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09-23-2015 22:52 by Zinc
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They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
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05-22-2013 00:46 by Zinc
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Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
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03-16-2012 03:52 by Zinc
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Going through my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.
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02-13-2012 22:12 by Zinc
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I'm always right. And when I'm not, I edit Wikipedia.
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05-29-2013 17:20 by Zinc
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What is the big deal about Cinco De Mayo. I've been drinking my ass off Everydayo of Mayo.
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05-03-2017 18:29 by Zinc
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My wife and I have different ideas on death. I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.
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03-17-2017 01:51 by Zinc
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My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.
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12-15-2018 14:11 by Zinc
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Oh, so it's ok for Superman to wear his underpants on the outside but not me? Sometimes I don't even know why I bother showing up to court anymore.
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12-01-2011 00:45 by Zinc
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There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.
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04-03-2017 00:13 by Zinc
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if this toaster thinks setting 3 is "burn to a crisp and light on fire", I don't even want to know what setting 6 does.
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02-13-2012 22:13 by Zinc
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come up with a new drink: Nyquil on the rocks. It's for when you feel sick but still want to be social.
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02-13-2012 22:11 by Zinc
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facebook needs to add "still bangin my ex" as a relationship status option
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02-13-2012 22:06 by Zinc
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Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending - Jennifer Lopez
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12-15-2018 13:50 by Zinc
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An optimist is the dude who yells out "Wet t-shirt contest!" during the sinking of the Titanic.
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02-13-2012 22:10 by Zinc
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I really gotta start saying "congratulations" Instead of "are you keeping it?"
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05-22-2013 00:49 by Zinc
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You act like I was drinking alone...but I had the entire Verizon network with me
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04-27-2012 05:13 by Zinc
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Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
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12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc
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I'm curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they're taking it out of their cars too?
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05-29-2013 17:22 by Zinc
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People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
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09-23-2015 22:55 by Zinc
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