WhiplashWally Funny Status Messages

   New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.

   Did you know that most accidents occur within one mile of your home? Which is why I'm never going anywhere near your home.

   My wife tried to buy something online yesterday.... Anyone know how to get a credit card out of a floppy drive?

   Good Morning America challenged everyone to remove any article of clothing they were wearing that wasn't made in America. I was shocked by the results, but not as shocked as the people standing around me in Best Buy.

   America: Where children are on leashes and pit bulls roam the streets

   36 Million pounds of tainted ground turkey was recently recalled. I'm not sure why anyone would want to buy turkey taint in the first place.

   A friend of mine was wounded in combat. He sprained his ankle when he tripped over a table during a bar fight.

   Congress decided not to raise the debt ceiling. If China calls, let it go to voicemail

   A new study shows colon cleansing may have adverse side effects, but I have a feeling they pulled that finding out of their ass.

   So after leading on thousands of supporters in order to collect millions in campaign contributions, Sarah Palin has announced that she will not be running for President, but not without first spending stacks of donated cash on a cross country family vacat

   I stepped into the Wal-Mart bathroom and it smelled like Casey Anthony's trunk in there...

   I want those of you living on the West Coast to be extra careful today and make sure to put on your arm floaties before leaving the house. You know how I worry.

   Jesus walked on water, but I staggered on alcohol