Space Monkey Funny Status Messages

   Few things raise suspicion like a black guy in a Mercedes with a ski rack.

   It's kind of cool how khaki Dockers and ugly people found each other

   There's creepy, then there's going to a strip club wearing a windbreaker

   We bought a zoo, because we bought some pot.

   Dear apartment next door, you can either have an infant or a puppy, kill one.

   You mean you guys don't write for TV sitcoms either?

   I'm not pressing S H I T for English!!!!!

   "Hold on, I look like S H I T." {grabs Chanel bag}, "OK, better...Let's go" - Some hood rat chick

   My mom just called me and told me she has a new boyfriend. Django could be a white name too, right?

   Ron Jeremy is in the hospital... I think I've seen that one before on Redtube.

   If Lance Armstrong and Oprah was ever to have a baby they would name it Dope-rah

   Manti Te'o should change his relationship status on Facebook to "It's Complicated"

   To any of you sick guys out there thinking about catfishing me, I'm terrible at texting back and scared of commitment so please just move along.

   Been watching these 2 black guys shake hands for the past 28 minutes.