Slowmotionninja Funny Status Messages

   I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again

   If you mix Taco Bell sauce into your ramen, It tastes exactly like poverty

   You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...

   I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, I did the twist, They played jump, I jumped. They played "come on Eileen"...I got kicked out for that one.

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girl all have in common? In each scenario there is a DUMBASS who did not take it out in time

   So there are teenagers out there that have unprotected sex, but yet have cases on their phones. Just let that sink in for a minute....

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   I have a question for all government officials and anyone who supports SOPA/PIPA. Do you really want to piss off ALL those hackers all at once?

   Sarah Palin and Snookie both Having NY Times bestsellers makes me realize being literate is overrated

   Everyone's self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse

   Random Dude: "Sup bro you think you could piss in this cup in that bathroom for me I gotta pass this drug test. I'll pay you $60" Me: "...ya..." That dudes screwed

   I have decided I am going to write erotica for the elderly. Excerpts from Chapter 1: "He wondered why she took off her Dentures. Later he could not thank her enough."

   I almost choked to death while trying to rap in the car on the way to work. Chewing gum and Wu-Tang clan ain't nothin' to f**k with.

   whenever you feel powerless, remember that just one single turd of yours can shut down an entire waterpark

   Math questions are so dumb! They're like "if you have 30 chocolate bars and you eat 29, what do you have left?" OH I don't know how bout diabetes!!

   All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now...good for them

   1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name. What a life Rihanna has

   I am pretty sure that J.Lo plus butter equals Snookie

   "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key

   I just inadvertently murdered two snails in front of what I can only assume was their son. As a result, I may have just created the snail equivalent of the batman.