Sam Funny Status Messages

   Did you hear about the boat that sunk on the 5th of May that had all that mayonnaise on it? It was called, Sinko the Mayo.

   Dear Internet Users, Someday, you're going to regret not reading me... Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.

   I am used but in good condition

   Amazon always recommends me the things I bought, I mean dude why would I want the same or similar thing again

   has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.

   WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?, MC-SEABASS? IT'S THE MCDONALD'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TWENTY YEARS! IT'S ALL MCCRAP! JUST ORDER!

   Sex,drugs & rock n roll are all very well, but nothing beats a nice cup of tea.

   Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day

   When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he referring about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing. 🤭

   When I get bored, I like to call in sick to places that I don't work. Today, I am getting written up at Kohl's.