Pineapple Funny Status Messages

   In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the peace and quiet.

   Twilight showed me it's okay to date underage girls if you're a 107-year-old vampire

   Procrastination is like masturbation...if feels good while you're doing it but in the end you only f*cked yourself

   if your lookin for Sympathy it is in the dictionary between S*it and Syphilis...

   AHHHH! A student driver! AHHHHH! In a Toyota! We're all gonna die!!!

   passed a homeless guy on the way to the Coinstar machine today. "Sorry, I have no change"...man was that awkward.....

   making like a baby and heading out.

   it's not me or my actions that bug you, it's that you let them bug you.

   has decided that instead of flipping off these idiot drivers I'm just going to blow them a kiss instead.

   I can't believe there are so many privacy risks involved in broadcasting my entire life on Facebook

   saw a banana peel in the road today and instinctively swerved to miss it, thanks Mario Kart!

   Beer is good for what ales you.

   Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!

   ...The top ten reasons to procrastinate. 1.

   Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius

   really looking forward to this years Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach. Talk about non-stop racing action!

   *Breaking news*...Tiger woods has crashed his Cadillac into another tree at the dogleg right on his way to the news conference. In a show of bravery during Black History Month, O.J. has picked him up in a White Ford Bronco.

   Did you hear that there's a "no fly" zone over San Diego on Sunday...... a huge lightning storm is coming....... grounding all "Jets"......GO BOLTS!!!

   wishes Jimmy Football was more like Billy Mays-DEAD!