Mondays Press Funny Status Messages

   How come if you eat two cookies you gain 3 lbs. Then when you take a major dump, you don't lose anything?

   I just realized why Obama raised tobacco taxes to exponential levels. It's pure profit from all his supporters continually blowing smoke up his a$$.

   Men who are single, are single by choice. Women who are single, are single because they're b@t $hit cr@zy.

   Ever skip a day from taking a shower, and you run your finger behind your ears and it smells like parmesan cheese?

   Wow, there you are all hot and everything; then you post a pic of you with your kids...1 and 3 years old. Negate!

   Two weeks 'til America's Got Talent. Judges: A has been radio jock. An unfunny comedian. And a woman who's husband would have never advanced on this show.