Me E Funny Status Messages

   When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?

   Your call is very important to us so please enjoy this flute solo for the next 90 minutes

   I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose

   If there is a watermelon why isn't there an earthmelon and firemelon and airmelon? You know…the elemelons

   The pollen count is so high meth labs are busy trying to turn their meth back into Benadryl

   I know I am a guy but stopping offended when I try to breast-feed in public. Besides, it helps my dog and I bond better