McFazzella Funny Status Messages

   I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."

   Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.

   The guy who created the Big Mac has passed away at the age of 98. Michael Delligatti ate at least one Big Mac every week for decades yet lived to be 98. I have one thing to say about this..."KALE, YOU BIG FAT LIAR!!!"

   I ordered a genuine leather living room set from IKEA. They sent two cows, some logs and a book of instructions.

   I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Girls, Baseball and Tacos.

   I don't blame Trump for speaking via Twitter. Far better to speak directly to the people than through a biased media who twists his every word.

   Why go to all the holiday expense of visiting relatives in another state when you can stay at home and set yourself on fire for free?

   Tomorrow is the official Electoral College vote. Or as it will be more popularly known: "The Day Hillary Lost The Election For The Third Time."

   With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?

   I overheard two people at work talking something about removing stubborn fat. Look, I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but that's no reason to call me that name and try to get me fired.

   I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

   My dad said to my mom, "I'm done with you, I'm going to date this pillow. I'm naming it Sophia!" My mom says, "You could do better." My dad says, "Stop it you don't even know her!" My mom goes, "I was talking to Sophia."

   I just realized the most exciting part of playing Monopoly is picking the token.

   Dear Lord, Please use thy healing powers to see over Aleppo. And Lord, while you're at it, please check on his brothers; Groucho, Harpo and Chico as well. Amen.