Katana Funny Status Messages

   I feel bad for kids nowadays that see a cool new toy on tv that they want, but have no way of getting, because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.

   Theres no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance."

   I love how the ninja turtles wear masks. Way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or anything.

   I shouldn't have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.

   Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please take them off.

   If you put a ";)"face in a text message, I automatically assume your dtf.

   China: 1.2 billion people. 50 last names.

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Dear mom and dad, please stop telling me not to play with my food. You spent 3 years making airplane noises with it.

   Make love, not war. Hell do both, get married.

   You obviously dont know me very well. I'm smiling, and your not running...

   Student driver signs are like putting a dunce hat on your car.

   My wife is leaving me because she says I'm a compulsive liar. I think she knows about me and Beyonce...

   Me: so doc, if I get this lung surgery, will I be able to do a backflip? Doc: yes, of course. Me: awesome, cuz I could never do that before.

   Two days ago Lance Armstrong had 7 more Tour De Frances than me. This has been quite a comeback from me.

   standing outside with his pants down waiting for google earth to come take his picture.