Jsabbage Funny Status Messages

   Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?

   Ask a meteorologist who will win the Superbowl......then go with the other team ;-)

   Unemployment, COVID-19, social unrest, .......kinda makes waiting for that giraffe to give birth not that big of a big deal now.

   Ever picked up a copy of your x-ray from the doctors office, open the envelope when you get to the car, hold it up to the light and say....."yeah, I have no clue what I'm looking at"?

   I've never Kung Fu kicked so many toilet seats in all my life.

   My 10 year old: Lands 14 platsic water bottle flips in a row, can't hit laundry basket with dirty socks.

   I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don't take me jogging with you today"?

   Builds elaborate structures while playing Fortnite. Can't make own bed in real life.

   The night before the kids go back to school is the grown ups version of Christmas Eve.

   Weather forecasters have identified yet another tropical depression in the Atlantic Region which could potentially grow into a mega storm of epic proportions. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has appropriately named it Common Core Math

   I don't know what they paid Tom Hanks to be the conductor on the Polar Express, but I've been on the bus during local school field trips and he ain't making near enough money.

   I could easily do all my Christmas shopping at the Cracker Barrel gift shop.

   In unrelated news Julian Edleman and Tom Brady have just checked in to couples therapy...

   Successfully "lands" a water bottle flip 3 out of 5 attempts. 0-998 in making his socks to the dirty clothes basket.

   Happy 32nd birthday to "Top Gun". need4speed