JohnY Funny Status Messages

   I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.

   Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?

   I just ate a box of stove top stuffing in my underwear while laying on the couch. So if you're looking to me for something inspirational, you should probably look elsewhere.

   I only buy extra virgin olive oil...Because I don't know where those other oils have been.

   We wipe our )( blind, but we put our deodorant on using a mirror...

   I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?

   Whether you follow your head or you heart, be careful. One of them is clearly an idiot!

   Nice try "St. Patrick," but I was going to drink anyway. Now...LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   If you see me drinking "coffee" from a insulated tumbler in public, then you don't know me very well.

   You never hear anything about the women from Nantucket. I wonder what they are like...

   Purell better be working on a combination sanitizer, and murder hornet repellent.

   Pro Tip: Dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your ass smelling like lavender rain drops!

   I am not setting a bad example...I am the perfect example of what not to do!

   I'll start worrying about a virus just as soon as the Germans make one. Nothing made in China is going to put me down.

   I am curently baking the air in here @400° because I am not turning the heat on yet!

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.

   No matter what side of the aisle you lean towards or sit on, this tax plan is a soggy turdburger.

   Just got done knockin boots! Alright fine, I just used a broom to brush the snow off of my sandals...

   I'm not ignoring your call, I just get so excited when I see the caller ID I faint!