Jeff W Funny Status Messages

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   my daughter saw a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!" And so it does, "A f r I c a n Elephant"

   Kim Kardashian on Twitter: "Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!" Someone replied: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".

   Did you ever notice that all lesbians look like Justin Bieber?

   Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.

   Do they sell Alphabet Soup in China?

   Black Friday is America's version of Running with the Bulls!

   I wonder how much of a deduction I would get in figure skating by having to keep one hand on the wall the whole time?

   How long before a gator eats somebody on that show called Swamp People? "Choot 'em, Clint, Choot 'em!"

   DELTA = Don't Ever Leave The Airport

   Oprah's show on Veganism just inspired me to eat a Cheeseburger.

   I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.

   Paul McCartney is going to be pissed when he realizes his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last wife.....

   Wow, I've been on the No Sugar Diet for one day and have already lost ... my will to live.

   Shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the sh!t out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   20/20, Piers Morgan, Howard Stern........ I think the only show Charlie Sheen hasn't been on in the past three days is Two And A Half Men!

   So let me get this straight. There's a War on Women but no War on Terror? Hey guys, little less focus on the labia little more on Libya.

   The fastest way to get my son out the door on a school morning is to ask him if he wants a hug...

   I shot my first turkey yesterday....scared the crap out of everybody in the frozen food section!

   Just remember, Michael Jordan would not have been a six time NBA champion without the government building the roads that got him to the game!