JOHN Funny Status Messages

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life

   An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency

   Dear Lord, Please give us back Leslie Neilson and will let you have Justin Beiber, Richard Simmons, or Snooki......your pick

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   Your eyes are red,the beer is green don't party too hard,your not Charlie Sheen!

   When buying a new flat screen T.V, always remember to put the box in the neighbor's trash can so you don't get robbed.

   Its almost that time kids...Does everyone have their plungers ready?

   .Merry Christmas to most,and to a select few of you may santa flush his $hitter over your chimney!

   enjoyed deleting 10 friends to get a free Whopper.

   I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me.

   From now on I will only use blue SOLO cups,because of that STUPID STUPID song.

   I had sex last night from 1:55 to 3:02...I thought I was a machine until I realized the time had just changed.

   I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

   Who would have thought the Detroit Lions would have played the best football in the state of Michigan this weekend?

   fighting the financial crisis

   A sure sign that drugs fu<k you up is that Russel Brand just filed for divorce from Katy Perry...WHAT,an idiot!

   If your thinking of watching...Scott Pilgrim vs. the World...Just shoot yourself in the face now and save yourself some misery.

   The weather in New York is partly cloudy and warm...just like A-Rods urine sample