JMartin Funny Status Messages

   Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.

   People that wear sunglasses inside, have to.......because it's always sunny in Doucheville.

   Looking on the bright side, if the Mayans are right, this is the last Monday we'll ever have to deal with.

   I'm the most responsible person I know. Whenever anything goes wrong, I'm responsible.

   You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

   I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius, because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations.

   All I'm saying is black actors never adopt poor white babies. Pretty selfish, blactors.

   I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person!

   The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.

   I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury.

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

   It's so cold outside my nipples just typed this status.

   Grammar: The difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts.

   Worried cause I heard a beep and didn't know if it was my cell, ipod, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV but it was just my fire alarm. Phew!

   If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.

   Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.

   There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect.