EB_Smart Funny Status Messages

   As a woman, I will always feel judged when buying a cucumber.

   Why is a strike in bowling a good thing, but a strike in baseball is bad? I guess sports really do mirror real life...how you play the game all depends on the size of your balls.

   Sometimes it's hard to know know what to say to cheer someone up who's going through a rough patch in their life. Turns out letting them stare at my cleavage is enough.

   Cutting onions doesn't make me cry. I became indifferent to their suffering years ago.

   You know what they say about a man and his feet. And that's why I don't find my fear of being raped by a clown irrational.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I'm coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.

   Question of the day: If cannibals argue with each other, is it considered a food fight?