Bob Funny Status Messages

   I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?

   It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.

   As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   about to give $$$ to a homeless peddler....until his I-Phone went off.

   The only thing worse than being stuck behind someone driving less than the speed limit is being the passenger of someone driving less than the speed limit.

   If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra size.

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....

   I don't know how the law of averages works, but you'd think after 25yrs of marriage I'd be right at least once??........bOb

   OMG.... I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   Some dude is going to be eaten alive by an Anaconda tonite....BIG DEAL...I was eaten alive by a snake years ago and my lawyer got me out. Sucked dry, but free.

   Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,

   Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.

   I remember when I was younger you use to be able to eat at restaurants.

   I wish these kids would stop crying. I won the Eater egg hunt fair and square.

   I only got one valentine card, and that was from the wife. I say valentine card, it was actually a death threat. still it's the thought that counts

   if you change your status to "in a relationship", it must last longer than a Kim Kardashian marriage.

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..