Anita Dicken Funny Status Messages

   The only thing more ridiculous than Lindsay Lohan's antics, are those who are obsessed with them.

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.

   Think of a number between 68 and 70....

   I need a good cry... I think I'll go weigh myself.

   364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

   I love New England!!! (Clam Chowder)

   Men! If you don't sleep with them, they never call...if you do sleep with them, they never call. You may as well get a good f**k out of the deal.

   I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

   When I say I'm done with a facebook chat, that doesn't mean you can keep typing for another 20 minutes. It means I'M DONE CHATTING!

   Wait. No more deep-fried Twinkies at the fair? Now how am I supposed to kill myself??

   Single White Female, 29, into moshing, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

   I want to know who Jimmy Fallon blew to get his late night TV show.

   I wonder if Hostess made Watermelon and Fried Chicken Twinkies if there would have been a bail out?

   I'm convinced that someone could start a facebook page that featured nothing but hideous women with three heads, and there'd still be guys that would comment, " Hola, mamacita, man joo shood come over to mi casa!"

   Bacon jokes are so played. $hut up already and just go buy some.

   March. In like a lion, out like a...hang on...wind chill of 34 degrees here in Orlando right now?....Okay....in like a lion, out like a Honey badger.

   As far as I'm concerned, it was false advertising. When I transferred funds to the seller, I had no idea that I was buying a dog, not a candy factory. Chocolate Lab indeed....

   A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

   Hey you know those Whitman's Samplers? I had a candy out of one called a Chocolate Truffle". I really dug the sample. So like, where do I get the big fu*ker?

   People who live in Orlando that go to Disney World are more ret@rded than New Yorkers who visit the Statue Of Liberty.