@seanathon77 Funny Status Messages

   You know when the police arrive at your job at 9am on a Monday... Its going to be an interesting day.

   I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!

   A lot can happen in 2mins during football.. Like 47 useless commericals..For instance..

   You know its a sad epidemic when"MILFS" are now considered "Barely Legal" in the porn industry..

   The best things about celebrating the holiday with family as you get older is the kids table now contains alcohol.

   I love when my friends lock their keys in their car... And then call me like I can do something about it.. Just because I'm black doenst mean I know how to break into cars!

   A good man will admit when hes wrong.. A really good man will change the subject... Without the other party even realizing it..

   Walking around with a clipboard and suit on..Makes me feel very important...Even tho I'm not doing anything besides just walking around.

   Seriously.. Shouldnt the etrade baby be like 7 by now?

   I think its safe to say.. We all have that one co-worker that doesnt know when to STFU!

   Saw one of those electric cars zip by me the othee day. Finally its starting to look like The Jetsons around here!

   People who constantly think their spouse is always cheating on them..Should just stay single and miserable forever.

   Keep Calm and Keep scrolling... I got nothing funny to say here.

   The New iPhone5 is out.. It now fits up your a$$hole!

   I love when my friends tell me they have 3 or 4 days off from work. Then want to make plans to go out and expect me to pay the bill because their check sucked. Well maybe your a$$ should of went to work instead of bragging about being off.

   If I ever do drag... My stage name is going to be Amber Alert.. That way I'll have everyone looking out for me

   Just realized.. I called one of my customers from work 48 times.. While trying to vote for someone on a reality tv show... Whoopsies

   I bet if Tom Brady wore his UGGS Boots last night he probably would have played a lot better!

   Ladies... If your going to post "Selfie" pics from the bathroom... Can't you atleast make sure the toliet is not in the picture...

   If anybodys looking for me i'll be in Southie lookin for Erin's Gold Bra. Happy St Patricks Day