@michaelbeatty78 Funny Status Messages

   Only took 2 days to elect a Pope. I think its safe to assume none of the Cardinals were from Florida.

   All new Hell's Kitchen tonight. Going to get into the spirit by hanging out in the kitchen and scream at my wife while she cooks dinner.

   White smoke!!! Great, now we can all go back to bashing Obama and gun control

   "baby.......baby......baby...baby..baby.babybabybabybabybabyBAAABBBBYYYYYY!!!!!!!" ~ "My wife...... when someone taps their brakes 2 miles in front of us.

   Any time I listen to Charles Barkley commentate, I struggle to determine if he is talking about a basketball game or the lunch crowd at Burger King.

   President and Michelle Obama had a great interview in this months Vogue Magazine about fashion. All of America's problems are now solved.

   So the Clinton's postion on gay marriage has "evolved" and they are now in support of it. I'm confused, haven't they been in a gay marriage since 1975

   If we took all of the guns out of video games, Oregon Trail would just be a poor family with dysentery watching their oxen die.

   Shout out to my thrid grade teacher for teaching me cursive, my fith grade teacher for teaching me how to use the Index of an Encyclopedia and my seventh grade teacher for teaching me how to boot a computer into DOS. PS. Google says, "Hi!"

   Now, if we could only get some white smoke to come out of the White House's chimney.

   there are no winners the day following a draft beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.

   If the Supreme Court sides with marriage equality and tosses out the DOMA there are going to be a lot of butt-hurt people.

   I have never prayed so hard in my life that the new Pope that walks out onto that balcony is Dennis Rodman.

   Here is one I bet you don't know. If you say the word "gullible" slow enough, it'll sound like "oranges"