@bitemeNsuckit Funny Status Messages

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   hopes Joran van der Sloot gets the electric chair...then he'll be called 'The Frying Dutchman'

   Since July 2008, three of the four Golden Girls have died. That leaves only one: Betty White -beloved entertainer or calculated killer?

   isn't sure what's worse...the massive amount of oil gushing into the ocean, or the massive amount of BS gushing from BP executives.

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   found a new place to live...it includes all utilities, free meals, gym, arts & crafts...and my insurance pays for it all...The Nuthouse :o)

   thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.

   found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.

   so, this guy is trying to sue me for sexual harassment in the workplace just because I like to flirt a little...good luck with that because I don't even work there!

   Well that's funny...actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.

   wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!

   been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)

   Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   Seriously, dude in front of me at the register...digging in your pants for the last 2 minutes for change is making you look kinda creepy...

   If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two...he'll be back to his usual self.

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!

   pouring a little liquor out for 2 Pacs birthday today...in my mouth.

   'Me and my shadow' my @ss...whenever I get caught, that b!tch runs!