@afewgrins Funny Status Messages

   I threatened a man with a knife today. Don't know why, he could have stabbed me.

   One thing everyone will learn in school: How to text without looking.

   Party Rule No.1: Always make the party worth the hangover.

   Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and bad decisions.

   My girlfriend said I was her 32nd lover. I was fine with this until I realized she was talking about time...

   My mate has absolutey no luck with women. Even when he calls one of those premium rate chat lines they tell him he has the wrong number.

   Saw a fat bird at the self checkout in ASDA today. She scanned an item and it started beeping 'Unexpected item in baggage area' - Salad.

   Today; I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"

   Why do people think that Jesus is coming back? It's not like he was nailed to a f-kin boomerang