mickey Funny Status Messages

   Yeah yeah, I'm a Grammar Nazi. Better than a Dumb Fokker.

   20 minutes later, and I can't remember who I "sanded my wood" to. I have to find better imaginary girlfriends.

   My right hand dumped me and my left hand found someone else.

   Okay, so I signed up for Missionary work. Here I sit in Uganda and still no sex. Sheesh!

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.

   There's nothing that screams "originality' like a bar named Cheers.

   Why is everyone so down on Manti Te'o? When you get right down to it...all relationships are imaginary.

   I just invented a birth control pill for men. I figure it makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bullet proof vest.

   I heard someone say they wouldn't wish Dementia/Alzheimers on their WORST ENEMY. I would. They'd forget about killing me.

   Tagged Photos-Rule #1: The hottest girl in the pic is the one not tagged.

   I don't consider myself a Tebow hater...that label is placed on we Tebow realists by his sycophantic minions. Just now...he threw a dead on pass...at the receiver's ankles.

   I haven't had a cigarette in 11 months. Did it on my own. My mom is trying to quit but couldn't do it by herself so she went to a hypnotist. She still smokes, but thinks she's a chicken.

   My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

   I say that anyone who messes with America, is gonna get a good dose of Red, White, Black and Blue!

   Cruises: Like being on house arrest with midnight buffets.

   Of all days, who deletes someone on Mother's Day....just for that, I'm never talking to my mom again.

   Dog is man's best friend. Cat is an acquaintance.

   I slept late because DST time is back. That's 'cause it's really 10:35. No, I guess it's really 11:35, but it's 10:35, but it really is...well it's 11:36 now because I've gone on and on about what the time really is.

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   There are those of us here in Central FL that don't care about the Daytona 500...or as I like to call it, The Redneck Equivalent Of The Royal Wedding.