K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I got a cialis caught in my throat...I've had a stiff neck for 36 hours

   It's getting to be that time of year again where we sit around a dead tree and eat candy from old socks.

   The experts says "don't stare directly into the sun during the Venus transit". Do we really need to be told that? Also, during the Venus transit, don't forget to breathe.

   I keep seeing these commercials for Coors beer with the cans that have these blue bars on them that tell you when they are cold. Back in my drinking days, I just felt the can. Are people really that stupid these days?

   I head they found a stash of porn with Bin Laden, guess that would be considered "Weapons of mass-terbation

   Trying to pop a zit in the middle of my back with bar-b-que tongs and a mirror.....sucks living alone.

   They say if you have a fear of spiders you are more likely to find one in your bedroom..............I'm really afraid of Mila Kunis.

   Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting a divorce...Now it's Katies turn to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

   Wow, Mitt. First animal abuse and now a school bully.....and you think you're a good example?.......of what?

   I'm glad I don't work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches.

   VelVeeta....the expensive government cheese.

   Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.

   If you have alzhiemers and get amnesia....Do you forget that can't you remember anything?

   Been chewing for over 50 years now......you'd think I'd know where the insides of my cheeks are by now.

   Why do we feel safe under a blanket? It's not like a murderer will come thinking "I'm going to ki....Oh damn they're under a blanket!"

   If your not pissing green tomorrow, you're doing today wrong.

   I've had such a fantastic day, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

   I hate daylight savings. Twice a year I have to set my alarm and get up at two in the morning to set my clock.....Damn.

   The next person that says "It's not the heat, it's the humidity" is going to realize, "It's not my fist, it's the impact".

   Facebook...this generations Rubiks Cube.