@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

   thinks sometimes it's fun to ask someone how they are but then before they can respond say, "Anyway" and change the subject.

   atheists only exist cause they haven't tasted this grilled cheese I just made.

   take me drunk, I'm home!

   wondering... does anyone really believe that Barack Obama doesn't understand exactly what the Muslim Brotherhood is?

   I need to move some money around. By that, I mean...I'm going to take the change from my console and convert it to bills, so I'll have money in my pocket!

   can't believe Mark Zuckerberg has a stalker. It's not like he puts all of his information out there or anything.

   it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?

   Sadly, "kangaroo on a trampoline" returned zero Youtube results.

   met a girl last nite that charged by the inch... I didn't have enough money but I figured she'd be a good deal for you.

   Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."

   thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard and I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it... I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log.

   hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.

   the next time someone says "I don't know whether to laugh or cry"... kick 'em in the shins really hard so they'll know for sure.

   My dad probably can't beat up your dad anymore.

   thinks that it's no coincidence that there are no z's in insomnia.

   You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.

   wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.

   remembers the last thing a wise man said to me was "Help! I'm drowning!" I never knew what he meant by that tho... he was so wise.

   needs to have a fixed income... mine is broken.