Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A taser, but for when people try to talk about their feelings.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 12:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I would rather be with someone else" quite like cheating.
←Rate | 12-30-2013 00:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it wasn't for me, my life would be pretty awesome.
←Rate | 12-31-2013 11:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I call the other side of my bed the Passenger side. It only makes sense.
←Rate | 12-31-2013 12:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Liver: The holidays are almost over. Come on you can do this!
←Rate | 12-31-2013 13:11 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon January is what Monday would look like if it grew up.
←Rate | 01-01-2014 11:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
←Rate | 01-03-2014 13:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather mail myself somewhere than ride in a Smart Car.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when I see a married couple, it appears to me like two people joined together to become one desperately boring person.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:30 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't handle life if I wasn't weird.
←Rate | 01-05-2014 14:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a happy couple, smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love, I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can I lose weight if the best part of my day is based on food?
←Rate | 01-07-2014 12:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 07:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more complicated the coffee order the more complicated the person.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 11:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scales at the doctors office should come with a hug.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes a status I have worked so hard on goes unnoticed and unliked. So I get it women who spent two hours getting ready and your boyfriend doesn’t even notice.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 01:10 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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