Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes." I replied, "I'm working at the moment, I will send you one later." He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."
←Rate | 06-27-2012 23:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure...
←Rate | 01-07-2013 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I'm feeling great. So it's all good.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 10:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 16:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your relationship status to 'single' and wait 5 minutes.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!"
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being awesome at everything."
←Rate | 11-18-2010 14:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!
←Rate | 08-28-2011 13:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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