Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure...
←Rate | 01-07-2013 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 16:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I'm feeling great. So it's all good.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 10:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!"
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include "being awesome at everything."
←Rate | 11-18-2010 14:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I absolutely HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!
←Rate | 08-28-2011 13:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 12:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you begin a sentence with “Don't tell anybody, but...”, the person you're talking to has already thought about who to tell.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas, if she doesn't kiss you by the 4th date she's only in it for the free food.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk about a double standard, my 6 month old niece sneezes in someone's face and it's all "aww....how cute." I do it and suddenly it's all "what the hell is wrong with you."
←Rate | 09-09-2012 17:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wall clock at work seems to be stuck on half past f*ck this sh*t o' clock.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photobooth!
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


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