Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."
←Rate | 04-07-2011 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
←Rate | 10-09-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 18:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 22:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder!" That shut em up!
←Rate | 08-14-2011 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I'm feeling great. So it's all good.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 16:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure...
←Rate | 01-07-2013 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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