Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
←Rate | 10-06-2011 10:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 16:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure...
←Rate | 01-07-2013 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!"
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you begin a sentence with “Don't tell anybody, but...”, the person you're talking to has already thought about who to tell.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas, if she doesn't kiss you by the 4th date she's only in it for the free food.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if oil prices go down, I'm still going to siphon gas from my neighbor's car because I like the adrenaline rush and he's an asshole.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 00:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 23:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My face hurts from making that look of concern as I pretend to listen.
←Rate | 06-06-2011 12:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photobooth!
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wall clock at work seems to be stuck on half past f*ck this sh*t o' clock.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Talk about a double standard, my 6 month old niece sneezes in someone's face and it's all "aww....how cute." I do it and suddenly it's all "what the hell is wrong with you."
←Rate | 09-09-2012 17:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution??? I sent them to her dad.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 17:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 13:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
←Rate | 04-07-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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