Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Often we fail to appreciate those closest to us... Soooo, go waaaaaaaay over there, I would appreciate it...

   As I got older, I thought my attitiude was starting to mellow out. Come to find out that the reason was I just didn't give a f*ck anymore!

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   There needs to be a new traffic light color. Something like blue that means "Hey, stop texting. The light's about to turn Green."

   Stop looking at me like that - it's not like you've never tried to play a song from the ATM at the bar before either.

   Yeah, I thought I loved you too... but then I realized I just needed to fart.

   The big bag of Halloween candy has already been opened. The outcome does not look good for trick or treaters on Sunday.

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," whispered the heart.

   A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I'm not surprised.

   I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It's fun."

   I make no apologies for the fact that your balls aren't big enough to handle my personality!

   Does the Make A Wish Foundation provide services for children who are about to be murdered because they poured juice in your lap top? Asking for a friend.

   Today, I saw a license plate frame "My car, daddy's money" on a battered Chevy Aveo. Daddy had 600 bucks, eh? Calm down, princess.

   Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.

   When I die, I give you permission to change my status to, "is dead."

   My EX sent me a text today saying "Happy Anniversary" I replied, best one yet.

   Inspirational status of the day: Don't be a douche.

   People come in many colors. Orange should not be one of them.

   I get made fun of sometimes for being an ole dumb country boy but let me ask you something, when the economy finally falls what's gonna be more important to know? How to plant a garden, fish and hunt or knowing what then fancy opera singers is ah sayin?

   Monday?! But, I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet.