Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   The best thing about relationships is realizing the full level of batsh!t crazy you are capable of achieving.

   Prank idea: Pay a homeless man to run up to someone at an outdoor drinking fountain and yell "Get away from my bidet!"

   The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.

   I think “be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give to some people.

   If there's a law against showing boobs on TV, then what's with all these campaign ads?

   Fellas, If a girl switches from Cowgirl to Doggy-Style on her own, without even needing to be told........ you have found a f*ck Goddess.

   I hate it when you are looking for something and you realize that it is in your hand.

   Why when your car breaks down and you push it to the side of the road, does someone ask "is your car broke down?" "NO, I decided to take it for a walk."

   I'm thinking of getting a tattoo saying, "I'll regret this one day"

   Whenever somebody ask me what's my favorite movie or song, that's exactly the moment when I forget every f*cking movie or song I've ever come across in my whole life!

   Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest sh!t.

   The world would be a much better place if everyone just did what I told them to do and stopped asking so many stupid questions.

   Did you know if you ask a hairstylist for the "Bieber" They'll shave off all your pubes?

   I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything...

   When your car is so crappy that your music makes it rattle like someone shaking a toaster, it's either time for a new car or to TURN THE CRAP DOWN.

   I wish people were like money,so you could hold them up to the light to see which one's are real and which one's are fake.

   Do you ever just look at someone and "Why?" is the only thing you can come up with?

   Everytime I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome, I wish that the small Asian from "The Hangover" would pop up on their screen and scream, "Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$ckaaaaasss!"

   There are two varieties of hoe. One is a gardening tool. The other is a hardening tool.

   Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.