Mickey Funny Status Messages

   Screvving with a rubber is like eating steak with a balloon on your tongue.

   Hands don't make the music, the soul does.

   Ever notice that kids with Down Syndrome always seem to be so up? We could all take a lesson from them.

   "I don't know why poor people hate me. There's always a new refrigerator box in my front yard for them to use."~ Rush Limbaugh

   Perhaps when facebook goes public, they'll be able to afford servers that don't remind me of the unreliable one's who work the graveyard shift at Denny's.

   Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

   Wanna meet me at Taco Bell? The Day Without Illegal Migrants means we'll get plenty of sauce packets and napkins.

   If you're not my friend, click like then copy and paste this on your timeline. If we're truly friends, do nothing. I'd never insult your intelligence with such a ridiculous command.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   Happy Hump Day means zip to the 15% who work weekends, the 30% who do six days a week, 8% unemployed, 10% disabled, 15% on call, and the 20% who are retired. To the 2% that this actually applies to....bl0w me.

   Polling showed 27% of the USA bet on Atlanta to win. Must've been conducted by CNN.

   There's always that one person who doesn't get it. Don't be that person, no...don't be that person.

   I have as much interest in golf as I have in golf.

   G0D has granted me the Midas Touch. So far today, everything I've touched has turned to gold. Wha? Oh. Heh heh. No more Cheetos for breakfast.

   My sofa loves playing hide n' seek with the remotes, clever ba$tard always wins too.

   My girfriend's a h00ker with an IQ of 178. What a f**king know-it-all.

   The Bible says, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." It doesn't say anything about the one who lives across town.

   So facebook is now making Poke suggestions. And it could be anything on your friends list. God knows I've always wanted to f**k the s**t out of McDonald's.

   COVID is going to be an excuse for horrible restaurant service for years to come.

   I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!