Mick F Funny Status Messages

   They say pot is a Gateway drug. If I don't hurry up and smoke some, this POS Gateway computer is going out the window.

   Facebook's starting to creep me out. I just got a friend request from a woman with the following attached message, "I like you. I like my men like I like my coffee. Freeze dried in a jar kept in the back of the fridge." I clicked "accept". Was that a mist

   My father was right up there with Einstein in the Science department...She taught me all about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

   She won't let me warm my icicle feet on her toasty inner thighs due to the availability of a technology called "socks." WHATEVER.

   Q. What's DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association

   Wishing all my facebook friends a fantasmagorical weekend filled with fun, sun, and...hang on a sec....huh?....okay, it's supposed to rain all weekend so never mind.

   I just finished the last of the Girl Scout Thin Mints I've been hoarding. Child labor laws, schmabor laws. Those kids bake a damn good cookie.

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   I went to a pizzeria yesterday that puts marijuana instead of oregano in their sauce. I ended up eating 30 pizzas.

   I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.

   cont'd: I do not like your top news trends, instead of recent news from friends. It was just fine, but now it's pus, don't make us jump to Google Plus!

   The Rockin' Praise band at your hypocritical Creep Me Out Church doesn't exactly make your ancient 13th century worldview progressive.

   All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.

   Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft.

   All my life I've blamed myself for having a weight problem. Turns out it was my mom's fault. It's not that she prepared fattening dishes, or made me eat a lot. It's just that instead of having an egg in her uterus, she had bacon.

   Just finished a frenzied reciprocal poke session on facebook. I think my finger just came.

   I'm more scared than Barack Obama at a Willie Nelson concert.

   Initials and Acronyms. Casey Marie Anthony=CMA=Caylee's Murderer Acquitted

   I used to hate going to family weddings. All my aunts uncles used to poke me and say, "You're next!" They stopped doing it when I'd say the same thing to them at funerals

   I hit the 5,000 friends mark today. Which isn't bad, until you realize that I've been on facebook since 1872.