DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   PMS: stands for either "Pass My Shotgun" or "Potential Murder Suspect". Take your pick.

   stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message

   feels like Simba in Lion King, you know that part where he's stuck in the stampede, and his dad dies saving him, but then later he meets Timon and Pumbaa... f*ck black friday I'm going home to watch Lion King."

   there is a Reason why Everybody says Everything happens for a Reason?"

   decided that I am not an alcoholic...I am an extreme social partier with a drinking habit...I say habit because a problem is something you want to fix!"

   dislikes people who make fun of Brett Favre just because of his age. Basically all you're saying is "He's older then me, and still play's the game better then I ever will."

   stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message

   your not a Jedi,. so stop waving at elecrtronic door's outside of Wal-mart like you have the force, you dork."

   Ya know...I always look for inner beauty in a woman. Once inner...beauty!

   Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends."

   do you think that butterflies get tattoo's of women's butts?"

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

   Did I log into Facebook or Pinterest? I'll tell you what color that dress is.. It's who and why do you all give a f**k!"

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   still gets Rick Roll'd on youtube every once in awhile."

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a pill bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."

   I'm watching a special on how William wooed Kate with his cooking skills. Good for him. If I was in his position, my wooing program would only consist of . . . you know I'm going to be king someday."

   Bleah and Latex Gloves: $10.. Plastic wrap, trash bags and duct tape: $20...Chainsaw: $200 The horrified look on the cashiers face: PRICELESS!"

   Do you wanna know how Interesting Soccer is to the Average American? Let's See, I'll name the two soccer players I've ever heard of.. David Beckham and.. I think Rod Stewart Played years ago."

   found out softcore porn isn't like real sex, it doesn't fade out to a candle, waterfall or something lame like that."