Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   It's not flirting it's being extra nice to someone extra attractive!

   I am an Illegal! I came to take your job. But you don't have one to take!!!

   Sorry I was talking while you were interupting!

   How many divorced men does it atke to change a light bulb?......No one knows they never keep the house!

   If sex beteen three people is called a threesome, and between two people a twosome, I now understand why people call you handsome!!!

   Everyone seems Normal until you get to know them!!!

   I have yet to be intimidated by fancy wine lists thanks to my vast knowledge of fancy wines and my eeny, meeny, miny moe system!!!

   Man Rule #6......Men's Olympic Swimming events are the ''Only'' I repeat ''Only'' time speedo's are allowed!!!

   Before you judge me.......nmake sure you're perfect!

   No matter how old you are, how stiff, how brittle,you can always still put your foot in your mouth!!!

   While you are enjoying your BBQ's, cookouts, and family get togethers! Please remember what this Independence Day truly represents! Happy Birthday America! Still the greatest Country in the World!!

   Roses are Red! The Sun is Gold!....Now get on your knee's and do as you're told!!!

   1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss

   A paper boy said to a customer ''Mr Smith, I wish I had 20 customers like you!'' ''Wow thats ice to hear considering I never tip and always pay late.'' said Smith The paper boy said ''I know, that's why I'd like 20 customers like you, I have 150 right now

   I didn't post this status somebody else made it happen!!!

   Today is International Kissing Day!.....Who wants one?...Wait, let me put my teeth in First!!!

   Before ou diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by a$$holes!!!

   Avoid arguements about the toilet seat.........use the sink!!!

   Why a Beer is better than a woman! 1.A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another! 2. Pour your beer right and you always get good head! 3. You always know when youre the first to pop a beer! 4.You can have several beers in a night and not feel guilty

   Dude, I gave you a pen not a chew toy!