Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oops, my bad. Thought I was dealing with an adult.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (Overheard from the other room) 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you eat all your supper? 8yo: No. Grandma: Just one then. šŸ˜‚
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone: Do you sleep with a fan? Me: Iā€™d say my wife mostly likes me, but ā€œfanā€ is pushing it. šŸ˜
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come all the single ladies donā€™t need no man at all, but all the married men need two ladies, Iā€™m confused.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then itā€™s like, take whatever bag you want. šŸ˜‚
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Supreme Court is like regular court, except it comes with sour cream and tomatoes.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 08:27 by Danyul Comments (0)  


   messageicon A word to the wise isnā€™t necessary, itā€™s the dumb ones that need the advice.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like eating Nerds because Iā€™m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel. Nerds takes the edge off.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feeling sad todayā€¦. Can everyone please send cute photos of your credit cards front and back?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of people like BBQ ribs, but I make it look like an episode of the Walking Dead.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone agrees, when you censor the ones who donā€™t.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turned 40 today, and I can feel my idgaf powers growing and coursing through my veins.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a manā€™s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, youā€™re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesnā€™t feel like Iā€™m getting older. Itā€™s more like my warranty has expired.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fitness trainer asked what kind of squats Iā€™m accustomed to doing. I said, Diddly.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good oneā€¦. God: You guys are still alive?
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:18 Comments (0)  




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