Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 12:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A report indicates V iagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, V iagra sales have skyrocketed.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 00:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 19:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole day is a good day.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 14:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon before you judge me, please understand that I don't give a crap what you think.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 14:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 14:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is about kicking ass, not kissing it.
←Rate | 05-08-2013 00:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
←Rate | 05-08-2013 00:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never judge people by the way they look. Which, in your case, must be a relief.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor bought a cat collar with a bell on it, and now she can't sneak up on the cat to put it on him.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been watching two black guys shake hands for the past 37 minutes.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, I'm already fat, so you know what I'll look like after we get married.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some day I will climb into the back of a taxi in the pouring rain and the driver will say "Where to buddy?" and I will say "Just drive."
←Rate | 05-07-2013 23:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to live in a world where Chicken Pot Pies don't take 45 damn minutes to bake. Scientists, drop what you're doing.
←Rate | 05-07-2013 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon my ex texted me like, "You can delete my number." I texted back like "Who this?"
←Rate | 05-06-2013 12:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 22:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hello 911?" "There's a guy on TV that wants me to feed kids in Africa 15 pennies a day and I'd like to file a complaint... Yes, I'll hold."
←Rate | 05-02-2013 22:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a feeling that whoever coined the phrase "it's what's on the inside that matters" was talking about drug mules.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 22:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 1987, my teacher made me write 'I must hand my work in on time' five hundred times. Pointless activity, if you ask me, but anyway... I'm finally done.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 22:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I will get a piece of canvas and draw a face with my left hand and my eyes closed, splash it with purple, red and black paint, call it "Disconnected" or some such crap... Sell it for 1.8 million and retire.... That's my plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 21:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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