cj Funny Status Messages

   I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.

   No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$

   girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury & make boneless things get hard.

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

   Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

   Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

   There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

   Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

   Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

   How do you keep a New Orleans Saint out of your yard? Put up goal posts.

   Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

   •Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

   •When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   Use this for•The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

   I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.