K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   People always wonder why it is that a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you....it's your breath.

   I'm a big guy. I hate going shopping and the only I can find that fits is cologne.

   MILF...Man I Love Fries.

   Why should I bother staying informed about political issues when nobody running for office does?

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.

   I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".

   Trying understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

   Why do we feel safe under a blanket? It's not like a murderer will come thinking "I'm going to ki....Oh damn they're under a blanket!"

   The one reason I could never become a vegetarian....Bacon.

   Gas prices are so high...I saw a street gang doing a walk-by

   That terrifying moment when your cat walks into the room, stares at something you can't see and runs away in a panic.

   I'm taking a First Aid training course with CPR this afternoon. Starting tomorrow you can address me as Doctor.

   What if Deja Vu means you lost a life and started at the last checkpoint

   Gotta love Facebook. I can update my status, post pictures and even chat with numerous people.....and nobody knows I'm not wearing any pants.

   Mondays are like sandpaper for the soul.

   Wow....turns out I'm NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.

   Went to Wal-Mart in my painting clothes today....still the best dressed person in there.

   One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.

   Sometimes I wish animals could talk....then I remember all the things my cats have seen me do when I'm alone and I'm very grateful they can't.

   Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.