Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Carrying that fake $20,000 ass is gonna get you nowhere. Literally.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 21:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bill Cosby ain't gonna like the type of "pudding pops" he's gonna be gettin in prison.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 18:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wednesday is known as "hump day". But to my dog, everyday is hump day.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:45 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:33 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:29 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:24 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon When people hate you, hold your head high and your finger higher.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 07:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 01:11 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 19:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 17:55 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does a white man using chopsticks to eat count as cultural appropriation?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 11:26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a big difference between a wise guy and a wise man...
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hot dogs, peas and applesauce, hum hum.... Hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, hum hum.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:00 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Whenever I played the piano when I was a kid, my dog would howl. Eventually getting fed up with the dog's howling. My dad said for goodness sakes, can you play something the dog does't know.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 20:22 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never trust a person who doesn't sing along to Bohemian rhapsody when it comes on the radio!
←Rate | 09-23-2018 18:59 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

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