Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Billboard is wrong. The hottest single of 2018 is me.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 16:30 by Andy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes there's a very thin line between "I should share this on Facebook with all my friends" and "I might want to seek private professional help for this"
←Rate | 12-31-2018 12:48 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to know who your real facebook fiends are all you have to do is post that you got a new phone and need numbers.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 08:19 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon And as tradition would have it, I now sincerely regret making plans for NYE
←Rate | 12-31-2018 01:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rudy: "Put up or shut up." That's good advice, that he needs to follow.
←Rate | 12-30-2018 18:22 by Truth.be.told Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life? Yeah, that's FaceBook
←Rate | 12-30-2018 09:55 by Mr.Sharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate it when someone is willing to take the credit when something is a success, but when it’s a FAILURE, it’s ALWAYS, somebody else’s fault?
←Rate | 12-30-2018 09:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman, then pow, it was all gone, when my wife found out.
←Rate | 12-30-2018 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bird Box looks exactly like A Quiet Place but instead of covering their mouths, they cover their eyes. Wait, if monkeys have taught me anything... will the next movie be about people who have to cover their ears?
←Rate | 12-29-2018 13:20 by MikeReynolds Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm determind to stay out of debt this new year. Even if I have to borrow the money to do so.
←Rate | 12-29-2018 00:59 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon NETFLIX Bird Box about an English ladie's privates?
←Rate | 12-28-2018 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funny how the most romantic gesture you can make nowadays while on a date to show the person your with that your truly interested is done by not looking at your phone.
←Rate | 12-28-2018 10:50 by Moon Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wish it was 1945 so I could call chicks “doll face”
←Rate | 12-28-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please let me complain about my dry throat without you offering to lubricate it.
←Rate | 12-28-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Can pick up in front of neighbors house.
←Rate | 12-28-2018 07:53 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes for the New Year's count down, raise your left leg. That way you'll start the New Year out on the right foot.
←Rate | 12-28-2018 07:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I understand that in every life a little Rain Must Fall, but what I don't understand is why does it always happen to me the few times when forget to close my car windows?
←Rate | 12-27-2018 22:22 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least mansplaing only takes a few seconds. Womansplaining can take HOURS!!!!
←Rate | 12-27-2018 20:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I’m saying is any office that buys thin toilet paper is not really saving money. All savings are lost when the hand soap runs out faster…
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A message to whoever stole my shoes while I was playing in the ball pit at Chucky Cheese yesterday.. GROW UP!!
←Rate | 12-27-2018 15:51 Comments (0)  




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