Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you don't like wearing a face mask the next time you go in for surgery don't forget to tell your surgeon to take off their mask as it won't protect them.
←Rate | 06-30-2020 00:38 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The Illuminati have planted facial recognition cameras everywhere and the only way to stop them from tracking your every movment is by wearing a mask over your face. Tell everyone!!
←Rate | 06-30-2020 00:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Pavlov felt like feeding the dogs every time a bell rang
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:56 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stuff your mask with M&Ms so you can eat them all day long like a horse
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Revenge is a dish best served eventually
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just watching the news who said "The coronavirus is affecting the most dense populated aria's" but think they meant to say "densely" but maybe not.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon it normal for your right testicle to be larger than your other two?
←Rate | 06-29-2020 13:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For some reason I have a feeling that I might have told you this joke about Deju Vu before.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 12:36 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor's daughter came up to me and asked, "Do you know you have a skeleton inside you?" I said, "Yes, Rebecca. I do!" She goes, "Is he mean?"
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m the type of person who thinks he lost his keys while driving his car
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the street the sh*t is placed.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [first day as an Orderly] *gets fired for disorderly conduct*
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kids were helping me clean & then they asked what their reward would be. Um how about you continue to live here?
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’d probably be on time more often if I had an alarm clock that yelled, “Pancakes are ready!”
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

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