Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon She's complicated? No kidding! So is my can opener.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry I used your hummus dip to exfoliate my feet.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tall people know what's up.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your lawyer’s office is in an old Pizza Hut, you’re going to jail.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Male pattern baldness is God’s way of saying grown men shouldn’t have bangs.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon America already had a circus for 8 years when we had dumbo I mean Obama as president
←Rate | 04-18-2018 12:47 by Trump316 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Tom Brady is the one who threatened Stormy Daniels. I knew he was a douche! Now we have proof.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I grew up in a neighborhood so poor, we all shared the same timepiece . . . or as we liked to call it, the 'neighborhood watch'!
←Rate | 04-18-2018 00:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 19:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spring is acting like my drug dealer!! "Where you at man?" "I am about to pull up" 1 hour later "Where you at man?" "I am right around the corner"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 17:42 by QuickDraw Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you eggheads live long enough after eating Tide Pods, rubbers, ect. you're gonna find out that Donald will be one of the top best Prez in U.S. History.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 17:32 Comments (3)  

   messageicon America: Elect a clown, expect a circus.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 16:32 by BrazilGuy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am so dumb, I put lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 15:23 by ClarkKent Comments (0)  

   messageicon a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:36 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stormy Daniels is shooting a new movie, titled "Stormy Does The Republicans".
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The bright side of a zombie apocalypse is you no longer have to keep up with the Kardashians.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got kicked out of the threesome for singing “You’ve Got a Friend In Me.”
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:18 Comments (0)  

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