hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   I want whatever drugs make sign twirlers tolerate their jobs for more than 9 seconds.

   if you ask me my sign so you can see if we're compatible or not, I'll save you the suspense... we're not.

   A bipolar police officer would be awesome at playing good cop, bad cop.

   Interesting that a lot of religions are anti-pork because bacon is the thing that makes me believe in God.

   If you ask for one of my fries, sure, I'll give you one. But don't think for a minute that I'm not FURIOUS about it.

   The best tasting thing at Whole Foods is not nearly as good as the worst tasting thing at Dunkin' Donuts.

   If you play "the next song that plays on shuffle is our song" game with me, you better be okay with "Batdance".

   Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother.

   And then one day she realized she could never love a man who could name more than 2 Kardashians.

   My Mama is gonna be pissed when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.

   Wondering why MTV hasn't done "15 and Slutty" yet. Seems kinda like a no-brainer.

   Hope the boss learns not to call people in on Saturday afternoon with no advance notice. Half the department is drunk! This should go well.

   Brett Favre has joined Twitter. I'll be giving him a little time to figure things out before I click on any of his Twitpics.

   I'll probably never love anything as much as this sweet old lady sitting next to me at the Blackjack table loves her next cigarette.

   Muffins are just ugly cupcakes

   Next time you're in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.

   I got arrested today for feeding some homeless guys on the street, and to top it all off, the cops broke my potato gun.

   I wish that I would get a popup for "possible virus" when I meet new girls.

   My parents told me I couldn't be a pirate when I grew up. My movie and music collection says otherwise.

   When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane over the ocean wearing a superman costume.