BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The best part about walking in the rain with your significant other is they don't know you're peeing.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 22:48 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911 what’s your emergency? Me: My Wife keeps pointing a flashlight at me!! 911: How is that an emergency? Me: It’s attached to her gun!!!
←Rate | 08-13-2013 23:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spilled ranch dressing on my keyboard then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 03:48 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 03:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Step-Son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an PlayStation game for his XBOX.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 03:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're homeless and living under a bridge you have an obligation to know at least one riddle.
←Rate | 08-17-2013 19:23 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I say: "I'm as sober as a Judge" I'm talking about Paula Abdul.
←Rate | 08-19-2013 17:12 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 03:42 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My outdoor patio furniture is breaking on me now. My transformation into "white trash" is almost complete!!
←Rate | 08-20-2013 15:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not have abs of steel, but I have overheard a lot of people whispering about my "rock bottom".
←Rate | 08-22-2013 22:27 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon WOOOO HOOOOO!! The idiots down at the dog park just let me have all this dog s hit FOR FREE!
←Rate | 08-22-2013 22:28 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon 69: because giving each other happy endings at the same time is very mature.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 13:58 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my virginity in a high-stakes game of "Just the Tip".
←Rate | 08-28-2013 23:39 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I still call it morning if I never went to sleep because the shadow on my celling looked like a kitten with a butcher's knife?
←Rate | 08-30-2013 14:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not gonna lie about the sexual tension between me and this double meat, bacon and extra cheese burger............. It is what it is.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:15 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship Status: Sitting here in my underwear playing GTA V for two days straight
←Rate | 09-18-2013 22:04 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I look up at the sky and think of Bolkonsky wounded at Austerlitz contemplating the very nature of existence......... Just kidding, I'm thinking about boobs.
←Rate | 09-23-2013 16:02 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want my ashes scattered in a pile in front of my smartphone.
←Rate | 09-25-2013 03:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I seen a guy wearing a "World's Greatest Stepdad" shirt, so I killed him and took it. There can be only one.
←Rate | 11-01-2013 23:46 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My old VHS s ex tape is probably at some garage sale somewhere labeled "Crocodile Dundee II"
←Rate | 11-16-2013 15:51 by BigSarge Comments (0)  




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