Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 22:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 17:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 20:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 17:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone ever looked at some of the people you dated in High School that are now on Facebook and think, "Thank God, I really dodged a bullet on that ONE!?!"
←Rate | 09-30-2011 10:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I'm feeling great. So it's all good.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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