Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."
←Rate | 04-07-2011 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 18:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
←Rate | 10-09-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 22:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder!" That shut em up!
←Rate | 08-14-2011 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 17:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 20:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon You know it's time to break-up when the little things start to piss you off: "Damn girl, do you HAVE to close your eyes every time you blink? F*ck this sh!t, I'M OUT!"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesmen,my pitch would be:"Think how great this will look in the background of your social network pics..."
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


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