Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When I say "It's a long story," it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you.
←Rate | 04-17-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry but if someone busted out of my birthday cake, they better have another cake in their hands because I really like cake.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 21:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That'll teach the bltch to keep the house in the divorce... Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1, 2, & 4 written on their backs.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.
←Rate | 10-09-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."
←Rate | 04-07-2011 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 18:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided I'm not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry.
←Rate | 04-05-2012 22:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
←Rate | 09-29-2011 08:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder!" That shut em up!
←Rate | 08-14-2011 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!"
←Rate | 03-27-2010 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 17:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 20:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can't undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


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