Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Sitting in the theater, ready to watch the move then BAM!!! The human giraffe decides to sit in front of you!

   If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be red.

   Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to "like" their status.

   It's going to take a lot more than a few “LIKES” on my Facebook page to make me forget what an ass you were in high school.

   Just got a Facebook "confirmed friend request" email from the bar I got kicked out of a few weeks ago. That means I'm allowed back in, right?

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   I want a Toyota even more than before. Now if you get pulled over you can blame the accelerator!

   I am taking a shot for every "like" I get on this status. Then again, I'm taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.

   When somebody sends me a 'k' text, I assume they forgot the rest of "fuc_ you" so I make sure to correct them.

   I wonder if women ever walk into a bar, see lots of women and think, "This bar sucks, it's a taco fest in here!"

   Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

   I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn't post it. It needs some work.

   I see you have a tribal tattoo, I didn't know Douchebag was a tribe.

   I gave our new female employee an instant promotion in exchange for sex. You should've seen her face when she found out I wasn't the boss.m

   I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body... Then I was born and that ended that fiasco.

   Everybody says that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late.

   When I'm in a public bathroom stall and someone knocks on the door, I like to whisper, "lemme see the drugs first." You'd be surprised how quiet it gets.

   There are no winners in life... only survivors.

   Max Factor - A mathematical equation based on the density of the makeup applied to a woman's face to determine if she is really beautiful.

   Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.